As if today wasn't long enough

I laid Sydney down tonight for bed and put her pulse ox on her foot I don't usually put it on. She was registering at 77%. I switched feet and it was still registering 77%. Talk about starting to freak out! I decided to turn the machine off and back on to restart it. She was registering at about 85-86%, which was a little better. I decided I was going to sleep in her room to make sure she was okay, because I have had her on oxygen as high as 2 liters and she only gets up to 98%. I feel like I probably should have taken her to the doctor yesterday or today, but I don't know what they would have done. I don't want to take her to the emergency room, because I don't really want her admitted up her, as I can do what they do at home.

I was going to put her on my lap and have her sitting at an incline, but she won't stay still. I guess I'll just sit in the chair beside her crib in case she needs me. It's times like these where it is the hardest time to have Bill gone. I need backup in cases like this... someone to bounce ideas off about how to handle the situation and I don't have anyone. It is the most stressful time of my life during these problems.

I have decided what is best is that I quit working altogether and take Sydney out of school. I don't know what else to do. She was perfectly healthy before she went back in and now look at her. She's at 94% on 1.5 liters of oxygen at night. It's not worth it to me. I can figure something out when she gets to a more stable time in her life. Boy do I wish Bill was here. I've e-mailed my boss and told him I was not going to be doing anymore work for him. We'll see how that goes. Hopefully he'll understand I am really serious this time.

One of these days I will get a full night's sleep. Another reason for pulling Syd out of school so she can get better. All of this is wearing on me. I'm not getting sleep, not eating but 1 full good meal (sometimes 2) a day. At least I'm losing weight. I guess that's a good side effect. I know it's not really the best way to do it, though.

Please don't let Sydney get put in the hospital on Monday... Please!!! Please bring Bill back... Please!!! I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take.

Well, only 1 more hour before I can give Sydney her next breathing treatment.